Collide Gamer

Chapter 239 – In Jeopardy 2

The scene unpaused, the beige filter disappeared along with the arrow in John’s field of view, and the drop pod crashed right on top of Jeff. There were gasps all around when the sides of the drop pod fell open and two figures stepped out onto the open field.

The first thing the camera focused on was Jeff, who preceded the other figure and waved, completely unharmed. Apparently, this was some kind of act? Not that John greatly cared, he looked at the figure behind Jeff.

Almost three-metre tall, with a U-shaped insignia all over his ultramarine-coloured power armour, the enormous figure stepped forwards. A pickle was decorating his belt and a golden Aquila his left shoulder pad. He took off the helmet he wore, surprisingly normal, in a mysterious fashion.

John had expected the noseless face of Dio again. Instead, he was presented with a hideously red blob with a white snout that, with a lot of fantasy, could represent Knuckles the Echidna from the Sonic franchise. “I hav found de wae from my branch of reality, brudah!”

‘God of Memes, what the hell have you done, Internet?!’ John thought but was given little time to regret being part of the mind-machinery that spawned this god as Sylph started blabbering.

‘Can I go out?’

‘’’’NO!’’’’ every single other elemental told her along with John.

‘But I want to greet hiiiiiim,’ she whined; ‘He is so cool!’

The memeshifter threw his red mane around in a fashion that would be fitting for a majestic lion, which made it look horrible due to the, frankly, retarded looking Knuckle’s head he was currently fashioning.

‘Sylph, your definition of cool is majorly wrong,’ Salamander told her sister; ‘Cool is when you burn a forest to the ground.’

‘…That is hot…’ Undine noted. ‘Cool is a nice bath.’

‘C-can we please focus on the topic at hand?’ Gnome turned the ship around. ‘Sylph, you are not going out there!’

‘Try stopping me!’ Sylph announced. John felt like there were chairs and pillows being thrown around in his head, all accompanying the sound of a brawl and the giggling of a shadow spirit.

‘Unhand me, I am not amused!’ he eventually heard Sylph again. ‘This is an outrage, three against one is no fair, I demand better treatment! I demand getting solo time as John’s concubine! Or an increase in my daily sweets ration! I demand that and to meet that shining, blue god over there!’

‘…Gnome, can I leave this to you?’ John asked.

‘I-I will try my best to contain her… please don’t be mad if I fail…’ came the shy answer. Giving her a mental, assuring pat on the head, John concentrated back on reality.

“I announce our guest commentator for today, Razorswift the memeshifter! Follow him!” Jeff loudly proclaimed, and finally, the space marine’s head shifted into a handsome guy with brown hair, a small, sexy beard and round sunglasses.

The announcer’s desk stretched wide as he and Jeff made their way over, giving the god enough room to sit. However, the chair that was created to go along with that gap was obviously not big enough. “I got this,” Razorswift said and raised his right hand.

Grains of something that looked like salt fell between rubbing fingers, and at the end, the memeshifter threw a whole lot of it at once on the chair. In response it grew three times in size, and now he had somewhere to sit.

“Okay, we are back, folks!” Jeff, now that they were all seated, announced. “Time to get back into the action. Lydia, it is your turn to choose a clue!”

Lydia finished her tea as she thought. John could guess the struggle in her, either she continued acting like she wanted and be cautious while risking to fall further behind on the point scale or she would have to take the remaining 100 point clues in order to catch up.

“American History for 100,” she finally said. “A short-lived organization that wanted to establish New Germany in America,” Dra read from his card.

“The Adelsverein.” Lydia immediately answered. Razorswift slowly bent forwards, chair creaking,

“What was that?”

 “What is the Adelsverein?” Lydia corrected herself, and then there were three DINGs in quick succession, coming from nowhere.

“That is correct, from 1844 to 1847 over seven thousand Germans settled in Texas, the effort ultimately collapsed due to bad planning and internal strife,” Jeff explained. “Pick your next clue.”

“Magical Knowledge for 100,” Lydia continued on. Answering this correctly would put them ahead of Maximillian again.

“The theory that explains how mana can take on different colours in higher level arcanists,” Dra read from his card.

Lydia looked at the group behind her. Momo sighed and waved her down. “Why don’t you just announce it yourself?” Lydia wanted to know once she stepped down.

“And talk before this many people?!” Momo asked, her voice breaking into a nervous high-pitch for a moment; “What are you crazy?!”

“…” Lydia raised an eyebrow.

The support cleared her throat and, blushingly, looked to the side as she shifted awkwardly, “Sorry, I just… don’t like crowds. The answer is the Voltaire-Arcane-Spectrum Theory.”

The announcers heard the answer when Lydia repeated it, and Razorswift created a leather binder. A few nerve-wracking moments passed as he wrote something. Then he turned it around and slowly showed it to every camera around.

The paper inside read: “Executive Order: America is #1. The answer is also correct; Voltaire discovered that very high-level mages that specialize in the arcane have different coloured mana depending on their talents. Red mana, for example, signifies that a spell is going to have a lot more kinetic force behind it, while white is stronger for defensive spells or black for offensive.”

“Why did you learn all that stuff anyway?” John asked Momo.

“I was interested in whether or not I could learn spells without your input,” she answered; “You know, because just relying on you to push some buttons is pure torture for my nerves.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “And?”

“And it doesn’t work,” the support said with a heavy sigh. “I hope it will once you let me go, otherwise I’ll be stuck with whatever you happen to give me. My current abilities are not exactly great for surviving on my own, you know! Thanks to the class you picked for me, the chance of getting some is unlikely too.”

True, John had chosen her to be a buff oriented support. Maybe she would gain some good self-buffs, but that was unlikely to make up for her lack of offensive power. Therefore, John hoped that she was right and the eventual release of her as his familiar would end up with her learning abilities on her own. Otherwise, she was in for pickle.

“Important People for 80,” Lydia said.

“The self-proclaimed third strongest god,” Dra read out.

“The Grim Reaper, the god of the fear of death,” Lydia announced with certainty, folding her hands behind her back.

“That is correct, but not a question... again, whatever. Although the common conception is that Grim Reaper is indeed the second strongest God in the Abyss, only below Gaia herself, he himself insists on being only the third strongest. Then again, the power levels of gods are hardly well explored, as clashes between these entities are fairly rare,” Jeff said.

“I mean, I could tell you who number two is,” Razorswift chimed in, “but that would be a massive dick move. Don’t want to spoil reality. I advise you maybe take a look at some side stories in popular stories and maybe the answer will reveal itself to you, given time. Who knows?”

“Very cryptic,” Dra said, “I don’t like it.”

“Well, what you like is not important for these games we play, Dra!” Jeff said. “Lydia is now 100 points ahead with 400 to 300. So far there was no wrong answer, and we are already through all the 100-point questions. If this continues Maximillian will runaway with the victory, simply because he went straight for the highest difficulty!”

“Taking risks pays off,” Maximillian taunted his opponent.

Lydia narrowed her eyes, “And if it didn’t you would have delivered the victory to me. Will you also enter the battlefield like this? Simply charging at the enemy because that could win you the current confrontation?”

“What are you talking about, I had you scout for me, dear princess,” Maximillian smirked.

“If you plan to always walk after the path I lay out for you, Maximillian, you may as well give up here and give the crown to me.” Their gazes met, steel grey against a dark purple.

The tension swelled until Maximillian finally said, “Materials for 80,” in a tone of schadenfreude.

The game continued with his team answering all three questions correctly.

400 – 640

Lydia’s team did the same thing, but they only had one more 80 point question to go from.

600 – 640

The only hope for Lydia and her team was for the enemy to slip up. ‘Whenever your strategy devolves into the enemy slipping up, you lose,’ John thought, thinking about years of game experience.

He was proven right.

600 – 800

720 – 800

720 – 860

740 – 860

In the end, Maximillian won with 120 points between them. Not a single wrong answer had been given by either candidate. It was a simple difference in attitude towards the game that decided the victor.

“And that concludes today’s round, folks!” Jeff announced. “Memeshifter, do you have any final comments?”

“Have you heard of the tale of Dalthon Plagweiss the intellectual?” Razorswift asked.

“I don’t believe I have,” Jeff answered, confused.

John felt a headache coming up.

“I thought not. It’s not a story the history books would tell you. It’s a memeful story. Dalthon Plagweiss was a financier, so powerful and so wealthy he could use his money to influence the market to create even more wealth. He had such knowledge of money, he could even keep the ones he cared about from bankruptcy.”

“Okay?” Jeff asked.

“Y- ah – urgh…” Razorswift sighed, “this is where you ask me: ‘He could actually save people from bankruptcy?’”

 “Uhm…okay?” Jeff then repeated after him.

“The financial district is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be… unnatural.”

“What happened to him?” Dra said in a tone of someone who knew the meme and just wanted this to be over with.

“He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was risking his wealth. Which, eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he had put his money in a shared fund with his close family. Then his son spent it all on blackjack and hookers. Ironic. He could save others from bankruptcy, but not himself.”

“…Does this somehow relate to what we have witnessed happening?” Dra groaned, the lizardman sounded like he was ready to go home and complain about his awful day at work to his wife.

“I started wanting to make this a metaphor about how Lydia needed to take a risk to win, seeing how she had the starting advantage and all,” Razorswift explained, “and making the financier hesitant to invest in new markets a showcase of that. But what I wanted conflicted with the layout of the meme, so I had to decide one way or another. I chose the meme, as any sane man would.”

“I see… anyway, that’s it.”

“Yes, by winning this game, Maximillian takes the first point of the tournament. First, singular. As this was a pretty easy game we thought it fitting to give it the lowest amount possible,” Jeff agreed with his co-host. “We will be seeing you all again tomorrow. Will it be another game, will it be a fight, who will fight who? We don’t know yet and neither do you! Good day and good night, wherever you are!”

The crowd cheered and made a wave of hand movements as the camera flew over them. Lydia stepped off the podium, which then started to sink into the ground. The group followed her silently. The princess looked annoyed enough with herself that no one brought it up.

“That was fucking disgraceful,” Thana, as per usual, lacked that tact.

“Be quiet,” Lydia hissed.

“Like last time, I refuse,” the blood mage giggled. They were carried up by the mana platform. “I mean really, all you had to do was not fuck up.”

They entered the tunnel that led to the outside. They were away from all the camera’s when Lydia exploded. “You think I don’t know that?!” she shouted at Thana; “Do you think your hindsight commentary is anymore helpful than the doubts that already plague me? We can’t all solve our problems by running face first into them.”

“Relax, anal queen,” Thana waved off with a giggle, “I was just…”

“Stay your words, Thana, I have no intention to listen to any more of your advice. What could a monster that slaughtered mindlessly in pursuit of a perfect death, without even trying to be saved, ever understand of humans? Your words are as shallow as your motivations are. I am trying to lead a nation, not find the easiest way out of my own misery.”

John heard the last giggle echo down the hallway, and he already knew what was going to happen. “Do-“ ‘n’t do it, Thana,’ that was what John wanted to say when the blood mage had already ripped Lydia to the floor and was nailing her down.

“You think dying was easy?!” Thana growled, a hand around Lydia’s throat. “Feeling your own flesh decay as something in your brain keeps pulsating. ‘Kill, fight or you won’t be able to feel’ as that realization washes over you after spending over half a century in constant pain the likes of which YOU will never have the pleasure of experiencing? What my words mean to you is not my fucking problem, but you can take that judgemental shit-eating and push it up your ass where it can join that massive stick you love to have there. I didn’t take the easiest way, I took the only way.”

“Thana!” John called out and received a side-glance. The dots formed a ring, and her eyes only rested on John for a moment. Her left eye changed, from one moment to the other. The blood vessels expanded until they were clearly visible. She laughed at the same moment as she let go of Lydia’s throat.

She grabbed something invisible to John until she did so. One of the Knights of Teuton stood there, his sword stopped in full swing towards Thana’s shoulder. “I figured it out,” the blood mage cackled. “I couldn’t hear you, I couldn’t smell you, but heat vision does the trick. You fuckers hide pretty well, but you are visible if I just dig deep enough!”

“What…” the knight sounded terrified, justifiably so.

“Fuck off, tin can, before I turn you into scrap metal,” Thana laughed as she rose from Lydia.

“I think you should just ca-“ John tried to intervene, but Lydia’s voice was louder than his.

“Did it never occur to you that there was the way of searching for a cure while you were in your original body? To gather all of the information before making your decision?”

“While being threatened to turn into a fucking potato whenever I don’t VIOLENTLY pull someone’s brain through eye sockets?! NO!” Thana, her mood swinging into a sudden outburst of anger, bellowed.

“Then this is the difference between you and I,” Lydia said as she, as well, stood up, rubbing her throat. “You will simply pick the obvious solution, the one you think will yield you the result you think is best. I will always search for the better answer.”

“And by that miss your opportunity to reach it, like you did today,” Thana crossed her arms.

“Indeed,” Lydia agreed. “I lost us today’s challenge. My hesitation, my way of doing things. I will reflect on my actions for a long time. Even if they were part of a stupid game, lessons are valuable, and I have received many today. Have you learned anything from going out the way you did?”

Thana’s mouth opened and closed, the inner circle in her eyes slowing down. She had not expected an admission of guilt. Neither did she have an answer to that question. With slumped shoulders, Lydia turned around, “I will be going ahead.”

John took a deep breath. He had tried to get them to stop fighting more than once during this conversation, but each time they had simply ignored him and continued on. “Well, this is a giant mess,” Rave said, scratching the back of her head.

“Yeah…” John agreed while he watched Lydia turn a corner. Thana cowered down on the floor.

“Fucking social interactions. What have I done wrong this time?” she mumbled to herself in a saddened voice.

“I will tell you in detail as we go home,” John offered. “Although I can give you a heads-up: as per usual, you’re not wrong, you just don’t know when to stop… and Lydia also said some things she shouldn’t have… but this one is mostly on you.”

He sighed, under the firm conviction that the only thing keeping his hair from turning grey on the spot was Gamer’s Body.

‘A harem isn’t all fun and games when your girls are so violently different,’ John thought.