Collide Gamer

Chapter 242 – Evening talks over the smell of sewage

“This is dull,” Nathalia groaned as she watched John and the rest of the group fight some oversized slime monsters. The dragoness had told them that she actually had gotten tired of just fucking around. Apparently, the devil lived in the fridge and gravity aimed at the sky nowadays.

Anyhow, she was now in the backline of the group, told to not do anything unless it was to save someone. She and Thana had been given those orders. Their primary charge was Undine, who stood back and waited for her duty as a healer to become necessary.

John could have her just hang around in incorporeal form as well, but A: Undine didn’t want to and B: that would mean that she had to be relatively close to him, as they couldn’t distance themselves very far while incorporeal. Having her materialize within a group of enemies wasn’t exactly how to protect one’s healer. John therefore had her hang around the back, so that people could come to her when they were hurt.

Not that they needed to worry about anything while Thana and Nathalia were guarding her. Case in point, one of the local monsters, called Sewage Slimes (a muddy green, oversized blob of acidic, well, slime with a black core), jumped at the trio in the form of a wave springing from a nearby gutter.

Nathalia simply waved her hand, didn’t even look towards the slime, and a scorching wave of fire reduced the slime to nothing but ash. “How do you not die of boredom?” the dragoness asked her other two companions.

“I just think about shit, like what I am going to eat later or if mermaids think that lakes are islands,” Thana said. “You know, stoner thoughts.”

Undine just shifted around, her eyes stubbornly set at nothing, and kept flowing after the group.

“I see… and you?” Nathalia asked the mending elemental, who inched away from her.

“I… manage,” she hesitatingly spoke.

“Yes, I desire to know how,” Nathalia growled. “Don’t test my patience and answer me.”

“Not to interrupt your conversation or anything…,” John said, slicing through one slime with a fire infused Mana Blade while punching another one with the burning fist of Purgatory. Both were moves to set up what followed. A white firefly dispersed on her skin before she reached deep into the cauterized wound Mana Blade had cut into the slime, thus greatly reducing its regeneration, and ripped out the core.

Without the fist-sized, smooth, stone-like core, the mass became a puddle on the floor. Rave dropped it and crushed it under her foot, after which the puddle became naught but dust. For the other slime John had weakened, a bolt of metal penetrated the point where the slime’s outer layer was damaged by fire. At high speed, the projectile flew, digging deep into the core. That didn’t outright kill the slime, but Lydia fixed that by parting the bolt into two halves, ripping the core apart.

Rave and Lydia then went over to help Aclysia, who was busy tanking another one, giving John a moment to finish his sentence, “…but I would be happy if you wouldn’t bother Undine.”

“John Newman, you will need to realize that you sometimes need to drag words out of people,” Nathalia told him. “Otherwise, they just stay silent for their entire life. Silent and boring.”

“I am pretty certain that, if Undine wanted to tell me something, she would,” he retorted. A feeling of hesitant approval, very hesitant approval, but still approval of his intervention.

“John, Mana Ray, please!” Rave shouted over.

“Can’t you just blast them with sunlight or something?” John asked but raised his hand.

“Nah, there is a slight proble- whoops,” Rave made room for the attack to hit the slime, and then she plunged her fist, engulfed by short bursts of light, through the brittle place the Mana Ray had impacted. The lights shone brighter, each new burst trumping the last one in intensity, like small stars inside the green mud. Rave pulled her hands upwards, cutting the slime open with a sickle of tracing illumination. Then she pointed her index finger directly at the core as the slime scurried to mend itself back together. A laser shot forth and burnt the last few centimetres of protection away. A few more of these later and the slime collapsed.

Aclysia, meanwhile, whirled Vol’Jin’Zul around. With the buff of the red firefly, her attack cleaved through the gelatine mass, splattering it over the floor. A direct follow-up attack at the core and now that slime was done as well, which spelled the end for the group that they had been occupied with.

They gathered up what the slimes had dropped as Rave told John what the problem was. “My attacks ain’t strong enough to penetrate that outer layer they have,” she said. “All they do is create a small wound. That just heals right up.”

“What about that broad area stuff you do?”

“Even more shallow over a greater area,” she furthered her explanation. “Not gonna help. Not that I am great against slimes in the first place. My powers work by either blasting my target with heat or just physical impact. Either way the light does damage as it gets ‘swallowed up’, so the damage is just spread throughout the partly translucent body of these disgusting things.”

In Rave’s defence, they were currently fighting enemies in the level 91-95 bracket. The difference between their levels and the fact that they were buffed for group content, meant that Rave wasn’t supposed to be able to take them down on her own. Even the one John had fired a Mana Ray at had been engaged by the elemental girls.

It was good that Rave fought stuff above her pay grade. John had seen her use some stuff she usually didn’t need or hadn’t been able to do in the past. Like that finger laser, or the flash bangs around her hand. ‘Part of that could just be because of the training she is doing on her own recently,’ John pondered.

John dumped a glass of muddy slime in his inventory, a crafting material to be sold later, and they went deeper into the dungeon. This time around it was a canal system. The air was stagnant and dank, muddy water flowed through trenches and underneath metal walkways. It really wasn’t a pretty dungeon, and the sooner they were out of here, the better.

“I suggest we go rest after this one,” Lydia said. “It is already close to midnight.”

“Well, I got a level today, so I am happy with that,” John agreed.

They turned a corner and found themselves on the edge of a dome shaped room. The curved ceiling of wet, grey stone was covered in glowing moss while the floor was a grid of rusty iron, the muddy sewage rotting away underneath.

“I hate this dungeon,” John said and stepped closer to Aclysia, who was spreading her perfume to outdo the disgusting stenches.

“I am happy to be of use, Master,” she said as he was now in hugging distance.

“…Sad that I have to send you ahead, because this practically screams boss room, and you are our main tank,” John said.

“I will do my best so that we can be back home within the next twenty minutes,” Aclysia promised. That was a pretty good estimate for the slugfests boss fights on this level often became.

“No, you know what… I am not going to stay here,” John sighed. “This is such a first world problem, but I am not putting up with this shit. If I am going to grind, I want to be somewhere where I don’t have to run around with my nose pegged. Nathalia, Thana, could you just…”

Nathalia didn’t look greatly amused. “I will have you to myself for this,” she demanded and stepped forward. Her obsidian scaled feet clacked on the metal. The moment she stepped even the slightest bit towards the centre of the dome, the water underneath the metal grid started shifting. With a disgusting splurge, a slime of oozing filth, the shape of an armless torso with a deformed head rose, it had-

John couldn’t make out any further details as Nathalia stomped once, causing the dome to collapse. Molten rock poured down through the cracks, and just like that, the boss was killed in a cloud of stale water boiling. ‘Well, if there was any good loot that just went up in flames,’ John thought and closed the dungeon.

“Oh right!” Thana said, suddenly remembering something, as they made their way back. “Lydia, I wanted to tell you something that is really fucking important,” she said. “I forgot because…” Her eyes wandered to Lydia’s neck, where the mark of Thana’s hand had been.

“What is it?” the princess asked, paying it no mind, turning the lock of the front door with her powers.

“You shouldn’t fight Mario.”

Those words made Lydia hesitate while she got out of her boots. She continued normally a moment later, “Why?”

“Because he is wearing almost no metal,” Thana told her.

“How do you… I suspect that question is redundant by now,” Lydia sighed. If Thana could develop heat vision, smelling how much metal was on a person wasn’t exactly out of the imagination. “How much metal he is wearing is of no importance, I only need to disarm him,” the princess stated.

“Yeah, which they fucking know. Guess what, Lyly, he is wielding glass weapons,” Thana stated, giggling as if she had just been told a very fine joke. “Which makes you abso-fucking-lutely useless against him. They probably want to bait you into fighting him and getting your pretty little ass fucked the non-fun way.”

“…Is that so?” Lydia crossed her arms and headed towards the living room with the rest of the group. “That does sound plausible. Hardened glass is an uncommon weapon, weaker than most magical alloys, but it would eliminate my advantage…” she mumbled.

“And, no offence,” John chimed in, “but without that advantage you will lose pretty certainly.”

 “Agreed…” Lydia took the analysis in stride. “This warrants changes in my plan. If I am not fighting Mario, my next best matchup would be the goblin, in all due likelihood, and hence the last empty slot we have is...”

Her eyes wandered over to Rave. “What?” the techno-lover asked, tilting her head a bit.

“It seems you will be getting that fight with your mother after all,” Lydia informed her.

“Huh,” Rave blinked, “neat.”

“And you are 100% certain about this?” Lydia asked the blood mage.

“Does this crazy bitch love gargling cum?” Thana asked.

“…Do you?” Lydia returned a question of her own.

“…No fucking clue, actually, haven’t tried that... probably be really gross, stuff is kind of thick… fuck, anyway, point is, I smelled it, I saw it, so I am cum-guzzlingly sure.”

Although he was wondering since when blowjobs were a measure of likeliness, John found that sounded convincing. “In that case, our lineup has changed. If they present Mario as their fighter, it will be Thana who is going to fight him. Anything else?”

 “Actually, yes,” John informed everyone about what little information he got out of Ankleshanker and Alexej thanks to Reveal.

“It seems that this game had some profits for us despite my blunder,” Lydia said with a slight smile.

“It makes me happy to see your pains eased, your highness,” Aclysia said with a bow.

“You can stop bowing before this meagre royalty,” Nathalia said, “and start cooking me steak.”

“That actually sounds fantastic,” John agreed, “do we have steaks?”

“This is sadly not a thing that I have stocked up on.”

“Steaks are for victory!” Rave complained; “Ya can’t just eat steak after we lost.”

“I will eat whatever I please, you pink haired annoyance,” Nathalia growled.

“Yeah, fuck context, give me food that rivals swallowing!” Thana agreed.

“I find the idea that Master’s seed has any parallels absurd.” Aclysia put her hands on her hips, giving the pretty little psycho a surprisingly stern glare. “His seed and his alone is delicious beyond any cooking.”

“Ja, normal semen is kind of blergh,” Rave said.

Lydia blinked, “Is it? I always found the taste acceptable.”

“Ya also prefer it up the ass, ya perv,” the techno-lover retorted.

“Can you people PLEASE,” Momo interrupted them, her voice loud from exasperation, “choose what to eat first! It’s like y’all are made of tangents!”

“Don’t be hating, Mono,” Rave teased.

“It – is – MOMO!”

“Sure, it’s not Me-me?”

“It’s pronounced meem, also I hate you.”

“You’re so cute when you’re angry, I mean…ouch!” A firefly had hit her with mild damage in the forehead.

“Stop calling me cute and decide what to eat, you are bothering sister!”

Siena, who had skirted around the edge of the group, threw a doubtful glance at the first maid. “They are not, Aclysia seems boringly unbothered.”

“How about we eat pizza?” John suggested, and the talks devolved again. They had a surprisingly good time just… talking. From the techno-lover to the blood mage, the princess and the dragoness, the aspects of the elements and even the spawn of shadows. There were differences there, plenty of them, but none that detracted from the banter.

Perhaps that was the most fantastic part of having his harem.