Collide Gamer

Chapter 245 – The steaks of victory!

The smell of perfectly cooked steak kissed John’s nose with such wondrous allure that it could only be surpassed by the beauty it stemmed from. A thick piece of meat, sitting inside a small puddle of its own juices, that could have only been surpassed by itself if it had been made on a charcoal grill instead of a pan. Accompanied by mountains of green beans and mashed potatoes, both covered in a brown sauce, it made John’s mouth water with anticipation. A plate like this was in front of everyone.

Thana slurped down her saliva as she tried to keep her hands to herself. “T-this,” she stuttered, “this is perfection on a plate. Oh, wondrous life, how I missed your virtues. Praise be upon the cow that died for this fragrance.” The fact that she didn’t utter a single curse during that monologue was a wonder in and of itself.

There was even more of the luscious food on the table, enough for everyone to eat several fillings. Aclysia had prepared a feast for the group. In return, John had bought an assortment of rare metals for her and Momo. It was hard to guess what was a delicacy for them, but he could at least try.

Nathalia stacked a third steak on her plate and drowned the tower of meat in the brown sauce. She was waiting, as everyone else was, for Lydia. Usually, everyone just ate once they got their hands on the food, but today had an air of festivity to it. Even the dragoness recognized that, although that didn’t stop her from staring at the meat with more interest than she was giving to Lydia’s words.

“To keep my words within a sensible timeframe,” the princess spoke, “let us say it as it is. Today was a completely predictable and utterly brutal victory for us. However, even if it was incredibly decisive, it was still our first victory and shall be celebrated as such. Without further ado, let us feast.”

Tableware was picked up in haste as everyone started to stuff their faces with the delicious arrangement. “I cannot stretch enough,” Rave said between two mouthfuls of mashed potatoes, “that Aclysia is literally the best thing about ya.”

“I know, right?” John agreed, cutting a piece of his steak and then putting it in his mouth. It was just the right level of tenderness, the meat juices filled his mouth as he chewed.

More words of praise were raised, and Aclysia blushed as she, nibbling on a rod of a green metal, shifted in embarrassment. “Steak is nice, I like steak, we should eat steak more often,” Sylph decided, while Gnome wiped a bit of sauce from the air elemental's chin. “Hurray for steak.”

“How about we cook it on Nathalia next time?” Salamander suggested. “Granny has to be good for something… aside from eating.”

The dragoness was currently busy devouring her fifth steak. Not bothered by such a lowly thing as table manners, she cut the steaks into strips with her claws and then devoured those strips whole. She did this with more elegance than anyone else in the room reached with their tableware, even Lydia who had a flawless posture, so they were unable to raise complaints about the dragoness' behaviour.

Undine was the only one who was not partaking in the process of eating, not quite able to enjoy solid food. She did, however, greatly enjoy sipping on the sauce, so she wasn’t left out here. Even Copernicus got a steak cut into sizeable chunks which he then lazily chewed on. There was just one person who did not get to eat with the rest of them.

“Can… I get… you… something?!” Siena pressed out with a smile that was forced upon her, dressed in a maid uniform, whose skirt she gripped in frustration. John and his group had been dungeon running before this, as a feast of this magnitude took time to prepare (it was admirable enough that Aclysia managed to do so on her own).

During an encounter with a boss, the nightmare elemental had not only refused to help him, but when she finally acted as if she was going to get into the fray, she had feigned to block a projectile that was aimed at John, only to then dodge at the last possible moment. It had dealt no significant damage, thanks to Mana Protection blocking it, but he had decided that the shadow spirit was due for a new punishment for such behaviour.

“Yeah, you can bring me some water,” John said and shushed her off. Normally, he would drink orange juice, but overriding the taste of this steak with something else would be a crime against his taste buds. With the clack of her high-heeled feet, Siena turned around. When she returned, the same forcibly happy look on her face, and put down the glass of water, John gestured to her to bow down next to him. Her breasts threatened to pop open the button at the top of the uniform.

“You want some of this?” he asked and waved his fork, with a piece of meat at the end of it, in front of her face. “Answer truthfully.” One of the current rules Siena was under was to ‘obey literally everything he said’. While one could raise the argument that she should always be under that rule, it required John to micromanage everything she did. Also, he disliked locking someone’s freedom away permanently in such a manner. It was specifically due to who she was and what he considered to be the language she understood that he treated her this way.

“Yes,” Siena said, her voice dripping in poison. Despite elementals not needing to eat or drink, John had found that they did all of these things with great joy. As far as he knew, that was because they could do none of these things in their respective elemental planes. Apparently, being there was just a constant state of tranquillity, elementals sharing thoughts, hanging around, talking.

John should probably send his girls back there some time just to get some rumours from the other side. Could be quite interesting.

That train of thought aside, this meant that such worldly delights were only open to them while they were here. They didn’t need them, but like a let’s player wanted horror games to get his subscriber count up, they craved these experiences.

“Would you promise to never do something like today again in order to get this?” John wanted to know.

“No, seeing your surprised face when the boss fired his load on you was way too fun,” Siena answered.

Rave snickered. “What are you laughing for?” John wanted to know; “You know it was a load of acidic saliva!”

“I can appreciate good innuendo, John,” his girlfriend said and put some pepper on her mashed potatoes.

“What would you be willing to promise me then?” John wanted to know.

“I promise to kill you quickly when I get to it,” Siena suggested.

“What would be the thing that you would BARELY promise me for this?” he asked differently, “And remember, answer truthfully.”

“I would…” Siena struggled against the truth, “…skip my current right to get a chance at murdering you.”

John raised an eyebrow. “Just for this steak?” he wanted to know.

“No… also… because…” she clearly tried not to say it and clenched her teeth.

“Tell me,” he insisted in a commanding tone. “Tell me exactly what motivation you would have to forego your murder coupon. Spell it out clearly and without hesitation.”

“Because I am confused about whether or not I actually want to end your life,” Siena’s lips formed words, devoid of her sexually charged tone, as her eyes opened wide in shock at what her true thoughts were. “Plunging something into your guts sounds like the greatest thing since orgasms, but then I think of what would come after that. You are the only man who ever fucked me thoroughly enough to make me cum, and the boredom of not having you around… I cannot decide whether that temporary high will be worth it. Oh, how I would…”

“That is enough,” John said, and Siena shut up the second she was allowed to. “Get yourself a plate, and then you can eat with us. The commandments are back to the usual five.”

Siena ripped the maid uniform off her body and went into the kitchen with a deep frown. John did not expect her to be very talkative during the rest of the meal.

“Aaaah,” Thana let out a long breath of satisfaction, taking a momentary stop from eating, “Congratulations, she finally fucking told you.”

“Did ya know about that?” Rave asked.

“Yeah, Undine did too,” Thana pointed over to the quiet water spirit, who just nodded in the hope of being ignored further. “Since, like, two days ago.”

‘Huh,’ John thought, ‘I knew these three were talking, but I didn’t expect them to be this close already.’ He noticed Thana staring at Undine as if it was somehow the mending elemental’s turn to say something. Undine turned her head away. Mentally, John sighed, whatever Undine was keeping to herself, she was still not even hinting at it. No matter how often he assured her he would listen, all the water spirit did was send him some thankful feelings, and then nothing happened.

‘I will find out what this is about one day,’ he thought. ‘Either because she tells me or she explodes into a fit of rage again… I really hope it is the former.’ He could have, of course, bothered her until she told him, but that just sounded like the recipe for a fight without results. One couldn’t help those that didn’t desire help, one could only hold their hand at times and wait until they realized this whole situation was easier if they spoke up. That was what John thought, anyway, and last time he had tried otherwise he had been burned thrice over.

“By the way,” Lydia said, “I recently checked the tournament plans again. Apparently, there will be two pauses in the schedule.”

“Like, vacation days, or what?” Rave wondered.

The princess nodded. “A four-day break for new years spanning from the 29th to the 1st and a two-day break for Christmas, the 24th and 25th.”

“Nice, my birthday is off,” Thana giggled, and the people on the table turned their attention to her.

“Your birthday?” John asked, blinking rapidly. He hadn’t even thought about that until now.

“Yeah, Christmas, 24th… why the fuck do I remember that?” Thana’s eyebrows wrinkled, and she crossed her eyes. It was a rather odd way to show she was concentrating. “So, I remember that my birthday is on Christmas but not the faces of my parents… shit, my life is confusing,” she lamented and resumed eating.

“Guess we will have to organize some stuff then,” Rave said. “I mean, it’s super weird we don’t get boxing day off though.”

“Tell it to the organisers,” Lydia said. “Also, this is a German event. We give gifts on Christmas eve.”

“Well you’re wrong then,” Rave informed the princess.

“What do you want to organize?” Thana wondered.

“Your birthday party, silly,” Rave laughed. “First birthday ya aren’t in some torture chamber, sounds worthy of celebrating to me.”

“Yeah,” John chimed back in. “We should celebrate Christmas and pull all the usual fun stuff!”

“How about you ball sacks and walking wombs do not do that?” Thana asked. “I don’t want to celebrate some ‘son of god’s birthday.”

“If you would allow Master to celebrate your birthday,” Aclysia spoke up. “I would be more than happy to present a feast worthy of the combination of two joyous occasions.”

“Fuck it, we are celebrating my birthday and the one of some fictional crossfucker,” Thana caved instantly.

“I am certain that I can arrange all of the necessary logistics,” Lydia pitched in. “Leave it to me.”

“Wuhu, Christmas turkey!” Rave cheered.

“Turkheir…” Nathalia mispronounced the unknown word; she had slept through the turkey’s naming after all. “I will see that I bring some of the finer meats. While the reason for this festival eludes me, giving food to Aclysia to have it refined is a good deal every day.”

“I am genuinely surprised you people get something resembling a plan together,” Momo said with a smile. “I am proud of you.”