His Devious Harbinger: How To Tame A Wicked God?

Chapter 216: That wasn't love

[Planet Earth]

Cina wakes up with a throbbing pain in his head.

The memories come rushing to his head like a tsunami. He inhales and exhales, staring at the ceiling in a daze. 

Because of Kresi, he had to go to Qeshaya. He changed into a child and then, he, Adira, and Kresi were rescued by Noras. 

He was in Noras' palace. That's where he met Ari again.

"Why" Everything feels like a joke to him. He widens his eyes as the embarrassing memories replay in his head. "Why did I call her Mother?"

No, he was literally begging her to become his mother.

"What was wrong with me?" Cina gasps. "I kept calling her Mother."

Not only that, but he had also tried to make Adira accept him as a child. That's not the end of his shameful deeds. He even lost to that nameless boy.

"He made me cry." Cina sits up, holding his head in horror. His skin pales. "I lost to a kid."

Then, Rilyah bullied him. That little --! He had seen her in the crib. How could he treat her as his elder twin?

"Everything was wrong with me." Cina closes his eyes, covering his face. "I let another kid fool me."

Mother? Father? Was he that desperate? He was there when Iravan was created. How could he do that? It was better if he had never recalled his memories.

At the same time, the door opens and Amami steps into the room. She opens her mouth wide when she sees Cina sitting on the bed. It's been a few days since that day. She found herself and Cina inside the house. There was no doubt that the forsaken creature did something to them. Cina has been in a deep slumber since then. She had no idea what happened to him. 

"Cina" Amami runs to him and wraps her arms around him, squeezing him in her embrace. Her voice breaks as her emotions run rampant in her heart. "You finally woke up!"

"Wha--" Cina can't breathe. The fat woman is squeezing him to death. He doesn't even have the strength to push her away. Renasir's attack has weakened him. Besides, he's been slaving himself under others' commands: making gates, keys, and whatnot. He squeezes his hand between them in an attempt to push her away. "Woman, do you want to die?"

She loosens her arms around him and looks down at his face, scrutinizing curiously with her dark eyes. "Do you have amnesia?"

"Don't even say that word," Cina utters bitterly as he places his hand on her chest, wanting to push her away. Then, he feels her soft round melon under his large hand. His face burns red. Cina swallows, recalling who she is. 

This woman is his wife.

What has he done? He can't show his face to anyone. 

Not only did he marry a goddess from another world, but he also had to choose a woman who is thrice his size. 

And he begged her to become plump for him.

He had kissed her, touched her, and slept with her every night.

That's not all.

He didn't consummate his marriage because he wanted his 'mother's blessings'.

Just what was wrong with him? Did he lose his memories or hit his head in Qeshaya? 

Cina looks up at Amami who is blinking her eyes rapidly, blushing hard. Her body is completely still. He can hear the sound of her crazy heartbeats. 

As if his hand has a mind of its own, he squeezes her mound again.

"Husband," She croaks his name out. "Your body is still weak." 

There's something still wrong with him. Cina retracts his hand, feeling dread enveloping his body. The feeling of touching her softness is still burning his hand like a powerful imprint. His heart is also going crazy. He stares at Amami's face. The woman's face is round and her cheeks are chubby and white like dumplings. There's a tinge of rosiness on her face, starting from the bridge of her nose, spreading out evenly on her both cheeks, reaching to the tips of her ears. Her eyelashes flutter as she peers at him shyly like a new bride. 

"If you still want to, I-I d-don't mind" She fidgets with her fingers. "It's already been ten years since we got married. You and I know each other well. Also, we already have your mother's blessing. I am ready to serve you as your wife."

That wakes him up from his daze.

"That woman isn't my mother." Cina climbs off the bed, hurrying away from her, wanting to keep as much as distance from her. "You are not my wife." 

"Husband, are you okay?" Amami furrows her brows. "You must have lost your memories"

"No, I regained my lost memories." Cina swallows. Why did he find her attractive back then? He doesn't have any interest in women -- or men. He doesn't believe in marriage. How could he trap himself with a goddess from the earth. "Listen, you and I didn't consummate our marriage. From now on, you are freed. You can go anywhere and be with anyone."

"Are you leaving me?" 

Streams of tears roll down on Amami's cheeks, making Cina's heart ache. He doesn't want to admit that he might have liked this woman once. Everything that happened since the moment he entered Qeshaya feels like a nightmare to him. This woman is also a part of that nightmare. "Yes, I am leaving you. Since our marriage wasn't consummated, you don't have to serve me. You can uh"

"I won't separate from you." Amami sniffles. "I love you, Husband."

Cina's heart accelerates. Love him? He realizes that his heart shouldn't be reacting like this. This madness has to stop. "Goddess Amami, we married without any conditions. So, you can leave me anytime. I am leaving for Iravan now. You are free to remarry."

And he summons a gate quickly and leaves the house before the woman can say anything. There's no way that he would spend his forever with her. Love? He only loves his children who are born from his essence. 

He returns to Iravan. Feeling ashamed, he doesn't go anywhere. Whether Ari was forsaken or not, he couldn't care less. Rilyah could rot in Qeshaya forever. As for others, he doesn't want to see them. He needs to gather his thoughts. 

Cina sits down on the cool ground, surrounded by trees and plants of every kind, and spirits who are born under his law. He lets the lands of Iravan absorb his essence giving life to the lands. In the process, he's also gathering his strength, letting the ehr flow through him.

It's insane.

The Renasir is a forsaken goddess. Kresi is also a goddess. 

"What is this nonsense?" Cina runs his fingers through his hair, looking up at the sky. After thinking a lot, he has mixed feelings toward everyone including Adira. The pain of losing Belan, his first child who was born from his essence, is back. But he also understands that her child has done wrong.

"Still, I would rather see her facing her punishment alive." Cina lies down on the ground and closes his eyes. "I can't hate that child anymore."

Ai was like a younger brother to him. His brotherly feelings toward Ai were genuine. It's the same for everyone else including Rilyah and Ari's daughter.

"But I can't love them anymore either," He mumbles to himself. Nothing can change the fact that Ai had killed Belan. Kresi caused it. As for Rilyah, the child is already facing her harsh punishment in Qeshaya. 

It's true that Belan had done wrong. She didn't protect the children. 

But no parent would want to see their child dead. Just like Mirinae, he would rather send Belan to Qeshaya. He wasn't even able to see her one last time after he woke up.

"I am sorry." Cina takes deep breaths, trying hard not to break into sobs. "Belan, I should have taught you better. If I had been a good parent, you would have honoured the words that you gave to those children." 

The price of breaking those words was huge. Those children can still reincarnate, but Belan would never take birth again. Her death was final. 

All of a sudden, Amami's face appears in his head. Memories of days that he spent with her itch his heart. He pushes away the feeling, shaking his head as he sits up.

"No." Cina inhales the cold familiar air of Iravan. "That wasn't love. I have never loved anyone other than my children." 

But he feels a little guilty. It was he who forced her to marry him.

However, the rain goddess would be fine without him. She's been fine without him before he appeared in her life. So, she should be fine after he left her.