I'm Not Going to Be Bullied By a Girl

Chapter 757: Textbooks Are Lies

My dad cooked an hour ahead of time, which was a big deal compared to his previous crude, make-do efforts, as he was intent on improving his cooking skills.

Is it because Auntie Ren told you to practice your cooking skills? I believe she said sometimes she would be busy with work, so she could let Xiao Qin eat at our house.

Basically, she implied that he had to improve his cooking before she would even consider getting married. So in order to become a good husband, my dad was in the kitchen to hone his craft.

I looked into the pot and my dad was attempting to cook braised pork belly! If he can turn green beans black, how does he have the guts to challenge a dish that many professionals can’t even cook well?

I’ve read Loud Mouth’s food blog before and she talked about the braised pork belly dish before. It discussed about the differences between braised pork belly and red braised pork and it removed a lot of my prior confusion. As expected of a professional foodie, she also learned a lot of knowledge about food.

On her blog, she wrote: braised pork belly is braised with wine while red braised pork is braised with caramelized sugar. There are differences in both cooking method and ingredients, so it’s wrong when restaurants treat the terms braised pork belly and red braised pork as the same dish.

In terms of taste and texture, braised pork belly is juicy, soft, easy to chew, and has an unique aroma; red braised pork melts as it enters your mouth. The two dishes might look similar, but they are two completely different dishes with different cultural backgrounds.

There are so many background stories about braised pork belly, one of the more interesting one is:

When Su DongPo was the governor of Hangzhou, he did a lot of good deeds for the people, and in order to thank him, they carried pigs and wine to pay their respects to him at Chinese New Year.

Su DongPo did not want to accept the people’s gift, but felt that refusing it would disappoint them, so he accepted it. Then he asked people to cut the pork into squares and braise it in the wine which made it red, then gave it back to the people.

Everyone praised Su DongPo as a wise official and called the braised pork “Dong Po Rou” (aka the braised pork belly). Hangzhou restaurants also put up signs to cook and sell the braised pork belly with the main ingredients of pork and wine.

A certain imperial court official who wanted to entrap Su DongPo, found that every restaurant in Hangzhou had “Dong Po Rou” on their menu. So he offered those menus to the emperor and slandered Su DongPo:

“Su DongPo has been taking bribes and abusing the law in Hangzhou corruption. The people all hate him and want to eat his meat, this ‘Dong Po Rou’ is clear evidence of that!” (Rou means meat, so the dish literally means Dong Po’s meat)

The idiot emperor took a look and got angry: “How dare he! Strip away Su DongPo’s position, then send him to Lingnan to the army.”

Why would I say the emperor was an idiot? If Su DongPo was really a corrupt and evil official, do you think the restaurant owners are tired of living? Do you think they would actually dare to openly sell “Dong Po Rou”? In North Korea, when Kim Jong-il died, foreigners weren’t allowed on the train if they didn’t cry. If any North Koreans dared to laugh in public, they would have been dragged to the execution grounds and shot to death.

However, Su DongPo was also open-minded. According to my dad, after Su DongPo was sent to the south, he made a famous poem: “I am willing to be a Lingnan person the rest of my life with three hundred lychees every day and night.”

If you think about it, that means Su DongPo is also a foodie! He doesn’t even care where he was sent as long as he had good food to eat.

The thin image of Su DongPo portrayed in textbooks are all lies, since you’re probably a fatty! You would eat the food of wherever you get relegated to, so you must have gained a lot of weight.

My dad has actually investigated it once when he was bored. In one of the poems from the Song dynasty, there was evidence that stated that during one of Su DongPo’s visit to the red-light district, he collapsed a bed after sitting on it, so he probably wasn’t a lightweight.

After talking about one of the possible background stories for braised pork belly for such a long time, we should also talk a bit about red braised pork.

As for the backstory for red braised pork, well, Mao ZeDong likes to eat it.

That’s it.

So my dad could have cooked anything, but why did he have to challenge braised pork belly? He wasn’t able to control his portions and ended up pouring a whole bottle of yellow wine into the pot. The alcohol vapors evaporated and moved out the window. What if a passing pigeon got drunk off the fumes, passed out, then died from the fall, wouldn’t that be a sin?

Damn, now he’s using sugar to mellow it out because he added too much wine. Do you think you’re doing a chemistry experiment? The smell wafting out of the kitchen reminded me of tanghulu for some reason…

No, my dad has no talent in cooking. If he doesn’t follow a recipe exactly, he will transform from a “apprentice chef LV1” into a “dark cuisine chef LV1”. Now the meals my dad cooks will be even more difficult to eat.

As I was concerned about it, I received a text from the class leader. It was a very normal greeting, but it showed her concern and care:

“Are you doing well? Make sure to eat less salt and sugar or it might be bad for your heart.”

I suddenly had a great idea and immediately called the class leader. When the class leader picked up, I immediately asked:

“Class leader, can you come over tomorrow to teach my dad how to cook?”

“Huh, you want me to teach Uncle Ye?” The class leader hesitated a bit, “I don’t think Uncle Ye needs me to teach him…”

“Why not?” I looked at the smoke coming out of the kitchen and frowned, “My dad has been trying to improve his cooking skills lately, but he went down the wrong path. His food tastes worse and worse and he’s been using a lot of salt, sugar, and wine. If no one teaches him, I’m afraid I can only eat these types of dishes from now on.”

“How, how can he use wine?” The class leader became worried, “People with heart problems can’t have alcohol. Uncle Ye can’t add alcohol simply because he likes it…”

My heart problems aren’t exactly the same as other people’s heart problems. According to Dr. Yu and his brother, drinking a bit of alcohol might actually be beneficial or it could even cure me.

However, that’s only a hypothetical result that hasn’t yet been verified with clinical trials. I won’t tell the class leader yet, but wait until it’s tested on mice and see how it goes.

“Is Uncle Ye really willing to learn from me?” The class leader’s tone softened when she heard my dad was making unhealthy dishes, “If he doesn’t find it embarrassing to learn how to cook from his son’s classmate, then I can drop by tomorrow at lunch. Xiao Zhe will be out tomorrow anyway and he won’t be eating lunch at home…”

Don’t worry, my dad has already been scolded by you twice, so why would he still try to act with the dignity of an elder.

Also, it’s pretty suspicious Shu Zhe hasn’t been home a lot lately. Did Uncle Fireball buy an expensive gift to seduce his nephew and rape his ass? Other than Uncle Fireball, Fan Chuan and Xiao Ding also have their eyes on Shu Zhe!

However, I can’t really stop Shu Zhe’s transformation into a trap. As ‘Xiao Hong’, he has both Fan Chuan and Xiao Ding guarding him along with Uncle Fireball keeping an eye on him. He even maybe has the peaked cap, Tang Jiang, as backup.

We can only take it one step at a time. I should comfort the class leader since she’s disappointed from her brother being gone all the time now.

“Class leader, don’t worry, my dad will be very happy to have you teach him. Tell me if you need any ingredients in advance and I’ll buy it for you.”

“Ye Lin, you’re not well right now, so you don’t have to do anything. I’ll buy what I need myself when I come over.”

The class leader paused slightly for some reason, then asked as if she was a bit embarrassed, “Is there anything else Uncle Ye likes besides wine?”

Huh, what does she mean? Is she planning to buy a gift when she comes over and meets my dad? Didn’t they already meet?

Wait, now that I think about it, I don’t think the class leader has been to my home yet! I’ve been to her home many times, but she’s never been to mines. The last time she did a ‘family visit’ with my dad was at the hotel, so tomorrow would be her first time coming over.

Since it’s her first time, does she to be more cautious and courteous? Why does it feel like she’s in a relationship and it’s her first time meeting her partner’s family?

You were the one who deleted the confession text message, but now you want to leave a good impression on my dad? It’s too late! The first time was when you scolded my dad for letting his son run an adults good store. The second time was when you scolded my dad for trying to cause more trouble for the search and rescue teams in the mountains…

You’ve already scolded him twice, do you think you can give him a good impression if you bring a bag of oranges? In my dad’s mind, he already thinks of you as someone who loves to lecture other people.

“Please don’t bring gifts.” I said to the class leader, “If you can come and teach my dad how to cook, you’ve already done us a huge favor, and Auntie Ren will thank you later.”

“That’s true.” The class leader did not promise to not bring a gift, but continued along the topic of Auntie Ren, “Xiao Qin’s mom works late every day, so someone should really cook for her. It’s the right decision for Uncle Ye to learn to cook…”

I suddenly connected her words to the class leader’s future aspiration to become a police officer. Their jobs aren’t any less busy than Auntie Ren’s job, so I blurted out:

“Class leader, when you become a police officer and become too busy with no time to cook, will you also find a husband who can cook?”

Probably because I was a patient, the class leader did not get angry at my joke, but only calmly replied:

“You don’t have to worry about that. I will be at your home at 10 tomorrow. When I’m teaching Uncle Ye how to cook, if you’re curious, you can also watch from the side…”

“Wait.” I caught the meaning in the class leader’s words, “You mean, you want me to learn along, so if my cooking skills improve, it would also be good for you in the future?”

“Wh-, what are you talking about?” The class leader rebuked me, then her tone became a little sad.

“You have a bad heart, so you don’t have to learn, just wait to eat…”