I'm Not Going to Be Bullied By a Girl

I actually have a bit of a cold.

The origin of the problem traces back to Xiao Qin.

Yesterday, when I returned to class after playing basketball, I found Xiao Qin in a deep sleep on her own desk using my jacket as a pillow.

Her squishy face, her soft breathing, and her slightly flushed cheeks due to feelings of happiness reminded me of the cat my grandparents used to have. You cannot help but want to scratch her little nose with your fingers.

But I held myself back. This class was changed at the last minute from Chemistry to self-study, so it would be a perfect time for me to run the online shop.

I should forget about peace and quiet if I wake Xiao Qin.

Moreover, I remember she was hiccuping non-stop during lunch. Who knows if she would still keep hiccuping after she wakes up?

That’s why I will let her use my jacket as a pillow for the time being. Don’t misunderstand, it’s not that I do not want to disturb her sleep, but I simply do not wish to be disturbed.

As a result, I caught a cold because I had a lot of sweat on my body after playing basketball and I only wore a vest.

But, this cannot prevent me from going on my morning run around Dong Shan Lake and my training with gramps.

The weather was pretty nice, it had the perfect amount of wind and sun. Gramps was sitting on a bench on the lakeside with a radio broadcasting loudly next to him.

“....Due to North Korea’s Party’s website being attacked by American hackers, Kim Jong-Un expressed the intention of retaliating against South Korea...”

Although gramps usually always carries around a radio, he rarely plays it this loud.

I raised my voice and yelled at gramps: “Gramps, I won’t be able to hear you if you play the radio this loud!”

Gramps pointed at a small cluster of greenery about 20 meters behind me, “It doesn’t matter if you can’t hear me clearly. It’s fine as long as the person following you won’t be able to hear.”

I was astonished and turned around quickly. Sure enough, I spotted a person wearing a gray windbreaker who was hiding in the shadows of the greenery. He was acting suspiciously and he immediately hid when I turned around.

Is that... a private detective? He looks to be about thirty or forty years of age and he has facial hair like Mouri Kogoro from Detective Conan. He walked noiselessly and I cannot believe I did not realize he was following me (it might be because of my cold affecting my attention). If it was not for gramps‘ reminder, who knows how long he would follow me!

By the way, I thought private detectives in China only take cases investigating mistresses or finding the ones who owe you money? It’s not like I am someone’s mistress, so why are you following me?

Could it be... that he was hired by Ai ShuQiao to investigate me? Because even though biologically, we are mother and son, she does not know anything about me, so she has to investigate me before launching an attack? Is it because of ‘know yourself, know your enemy, and you will come unscathed through a hundred battles‘?

It seems she is looking down on me! No matter how I look at him, he looks like the type who advertises on newspapers and gets their ad placed right under the ad that says ‘Traditional Chinese Medicines for STDs’. Even if you wanted to investigate me, you should at least hire detectives at the same level as Conan or Kindaichi! This guy who looks like Mouri Kogoro does not look too bright!

“Do you know why he’s following you?” Gramps spoke in a vigor and was able to hear him clearly even with the static of the radio.

I did not want to explain the sob story that happened in my family, so I told a small lie and said it was a normal enemy.

“How did you make them into an enemy?” Gramps asked and said coldly without waiting for my response, “Don’t expect my help if you committed a sexual crime —— It’s a taboo for families who have a daughter. The minimum standard for martial artists is to be righteous and against lascivious crimes, do you understand?”

Gramps, how low is your trust for me! Do I look that much like a rapist? Would you take care of me if you found that that I did defile another family’s girl? Even though we do not refer to each other as master and student, should we not have at least developed a bit of affection? It hurts me when you’re this doubtful of me, I’m almost going to cry...

Oh, although I did not really cry, I did have snot dripping down and I quickly wiped it up with a napkin.

Due to the volume of the radio, and I did not have gramps’ voice projection ability, I could only shriek back:

“I didn’t do anything bad! The reason why we became enemies is because...” I suddenly remembered the time when I sent Xia B and Zhao GuangTou to the hospital, so I said: “It’s because someone else wanted to commit sexual crimes and I stopped them because I wanted to comply with your teachings. That’s why they harbor hard feelings against me and want to get revenge!”

It was not entirely a lie, but today was the first time gramps told me that ‘martial artists have to stay on the right track and prevent lewdness’. If he thought about it carefully, he would know it was all nonsense when I said ‘I wanted to comply with your teachings’.

But I found out a long time ago that gramps has no integrity, and he loves being complimented. After hearing my compliments, he had an unconcealable expression of joy on his face. He slightly nodded his head at me while stroking his long beard.

“Good! That’s more like it! Do you have a cellphone?”

Huh? Isn’t your line of thought changing too quickly? Did you ask if I have a cellphone because you want to reward me for my heroic deed? But I already have a cellphone, it would be better if you taught me Fa Jin instead of giving me an extra phone!

After asking if I had a cellphone, gramps said: “Your cellphone can record, right? Get your record function ready, then keep running around Dong Shan Lake. Don’t run too fast or too slow. Turn around immediately and start filming when you hear my scream! Do you understand!”

Eh? Shouldn’t it be easy to beat up a private detective with your skills? Why would you be the one screaming! And you also want me to record it... what are you really up to?

“Don’t worry about that! Just record when I tell you to record, stop wasting time!” Gramps got angry and I could only do according to what he says.

I began to fake run while Gramps was shouting at me from behind: “Make sure you act quickly later on! Use more light! Learn properly from me, there’s skill involved!”

What skill? The skill to scream miserably? If I wanted to learn to scream, I could watch the stuff on my dad’s hard drive! From the screams of ‘Fuck me’ from the unrestrained West to the ‘Yamete’ of the graceful Japanese. Regardless if you had heavy or light tastes, you would not forget these sounds!

Who wants to listen to an 80-year-old man’s screams! This taste is second only to an 80-year-old grandmother!

As I ran forward, I looked behind me with the corner of my eyes. I was not at ease with what gramps wanted to do.

Of course, I did not forget to hold my strange phone in my hand. This phone had a one button record function, perhaps it was designed to film secretly. It also has no warning sounds, so it seems there are still advantages to knock off phones.

Once I started to run, the private detective came out in a flash. He even raised up his pants to pretend he was just taking a piss.

Gramps closed the radio and stood up from the bench to stretch, and he began... morning exercises.

Gramps, that’s enough! You are trying to do exercises even an eighteen year old can’t do! Even the private detective was scared by you, and he’s running around you in an unnatural motion!

When gramps did the “rotating” exercises, he suddenly lost balance and crashed into the private detective. The private detective could not dodge in time and he was hit squarely on the shoulders and forced back a step.

Then the following that occurred did not obey the laws of physics. Gramps’ sturdy body floated backward like a piece of paper in a gale, and it was accompanied with a blood-curdling scream:

“Ah —— ahhhh!!!”

His fake scream sounded like he was singing in an opera. To an outsider, it looks like gramps hit his head hard and he is either dead or heavily injured. But from my point of view, Gramps used the Hua Jin abilities of his muscles and he fell back effortlessly like he was falling on top of a spring form mattress.

Even though I know these facts, the detective does not. He was originally focused on me, but he was at a loss when he suddenly saw a white-haired old man lying in front of him.

Gramps laid on the ground and pretended to be heavily injured. He held his limbs and screamed strangely: ” —— He hit me! He’s gonna kill this old man! Don’t move, take me to the hospital!”

He sent me glances to remind me to record it while acting like he was paralyzed in front of the private detective.

I immediately understood gramps’ plan and I was halfway between laughter and tears.

This is insurance fraud! I can’t believe you’re using illegal methods and trying to extort people through fraud! You even want me to record as if it’s like I am a material witness?

But the shock on the detective’s face made me happy. I could not help but walk towards them and join on in the act.

I said to the private detective: “Yikes, you’re in trouble now!”