The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

Chapter 183: What Now?

****(POV)

My empty heart felt even emptier.

The brother that would always try to cheer me on, gone.

He should have been the one to live.

Not me.

Him.

Why?

Why world?

Why such pain?

I asked that question so many times.

Never to get an answer.

All of it nonsensical.

No matter what, I had to live.

Even without any purpose.

Even if it all was pointless.

Even then.

My life became way too precious.

My two most precious companions gone.

Only to save the worthless I.

Could it be that I was to blame?

Was I an omen of disaster?

Anyone coming in contact with me perishing.

No.

Everyone kept dying there.

Not just my loved ones.

Still, it did hurt.

Like a bitch.

Not physical pain.

In fact, I found myself wishing for that.

Anything to distract the mind.

Anything to help me forget.

Enough physical pain to wash away the constant agony.

But I wouldn't.

I had to try my best to live well.

For their sakes.

Only for their sakes.

Enduring with my hurting soul.

In this manner, days became weeks and months.

I would slaughter as usual.

Nothing had changed.

Everyone kept going as before.

Of course, most people were new.

I was one of the only old-timers.

People started wondering how I was even alive.

Not realizing that I was already dead.

Dead in spirit.

Gone were my dreams.

Gone were my hopes.

I did not have any plan for the future.

Every day I would just keep clutching to life.

All until something finally happened.

I heard a commotion from outside.

Usually, that would be a precursor to an event.

In the first, I lost my dog.

In the second, I lost my brother.

In the third, I would disappear.

Or so I thought.

No, it was something else entirely.

They finally had screwed up.

Angered people they should not have.

Bought a questionable shipment of slaves.

One that contained the relative of some powerhouse.

Some righteous sect.

It also happened that this slave of interest was already dead.

Came divine retribution.

Actually, it wasn't.

At all.

It was bound to happen at some point.

I just really wish it could have happened earlier.

Men wearing full plate armor came running in everywhere.

They slaughtered all the members of the organization.

Then they freed the slaves.

It was their good deed.

They would release us so we could spread the word.

Spread the tale of their benevolence.

Of course, most would kick the bucket soon enough.

Slaves lacking real training and only knowing abuse and violence wouldn't go far.

Most would starve to death.

Some would probably turn to banditry.

Some would become beggars.

Some might actually find a job somewhere.

The future is always uncertain.

The entire operation got dismantled.

All the leaders beheaded.

I was left there.

Free, but having lost everything I cared about.

Even my goal.

I wanted to be free, and I wanted to get revenge.

I had gained both.

But so what?

I felt lost.

Without a sense of purpose.

Thus I started traveling.

Went and saw some places.

Kept walking and walking.

Until at some point I reached a medium-sized city.

There I found a tamer's guild.

It brought back memories of the past.

I wanted to learn more about this art.

I wanted to understand everything that had happened.

How the link with my companion came to be.

If that had any meaning.

I just wanted to occupy myself.

Just wanted to honor his memory in my own way.

I would learn about all the things I wish I knew back then.

After all, being a better tamer might have helped us.

But regret is useless.

I had to move forward.

At all costs.

I started studying.

I also started farming as a side-job.

Managed to join the guild.

During the test came an odd result.

It said that I would have success as a tamer.

It also said that it would be close to impossible for me to contract any creature.

People there were wondering how it was possible.

But I knew perfectly why.

There was still the shadow of my old friend in my heart.

One that filled all of it.

Maybe one day I would be able to tame a creature.

However, it would take a long time.

I was in no hurry.

I simply wanted to fulfill my promise.

To live.

Nothing more, nothing less.

The more time passed the better I felt.

I never forgot, but I somehow started healing.

All until one day I saw something that brought back the memories.

A young man.

One that was somehow asking able a celebrity in the guild without seemingly knowing.

Then I recognized him.

A man that I had heard about.

One I wanted to get to know.

Simply because he had a donkey as a tamed beast.

Who would accept ever having such a weak tamed beast?

Well, him.

I saw in him the old me.

A relationship that was more than master and slave.

A relationship that was that of family.

I decided I would get closer to him.

I called myself his fan.

It wasn't necessarily a lie.

I truly admired him.

For somehow making a donkey strong.

Then we started talking.

He grew awkward when he learned that my tamed creature had died.

I wanted to tease him a bit.

Started telling him a story that would make him cry.

With some points from my own experiences.

I somehow made myself sad.

Still, that day I made a friend.

One that I had fun teasing.

Until he reciprocated in kind.

Started telling me about assassins chasing him.

Assassins potentially chasing me too for knowing him.

I started freaking out for I had to live.

At all costs. That I knew.

Then he offered me to leave with him the next morning outside the city.

At that point, I truly wasn't sure what was going on.

Still just to be careful I decided to check it out.

A casual choice that would bring along my death.