Victor of Tucson

Book 9: Chapter 1: Goodbyes

Victor stooped to pick up a smooth stone and threw it out over the ocean. It soared much farther than he’d intended, becoming a small black dot in his vision before he lost track of where it went. Kethelket chuckled and paused to sit on a large driftwood log. “So. You leave tomorrow, hmm?” They’d met several times during Victor’s visit, even gone hunting once, but the weight of Victor’s impending departure had given this visit a different, more somber, almost sullen tone.

“Yeah. I have to get back. There’s so much I have to do, so much I have to learn.” Victor sighed and reached up to run his fingers through his hair—too long by inches for his tastes.

“I’m sure you do. A world where kingdoms vie for power through dueling champions? It doesn’t seem ethical.”

“What part? The fighting and scheming, or the no wars killing the ‘common folk’ part?”

Kethelket narrowed his eyes but nodded slowly. “I suppose you have a point—I forget, from time to time, that while you’re young, you’ve seen much. I concede that, while some will suffer in the machinations of those kingdoms and their dueling champions, it’s perhaps better than peace for many years followed by bloody campaigns where thousands die.”

“Or millions. Some worlds are far more populous than Fanwath, Kethelket. You’ve heard our stories about Sojourn—millions of people all clustered together in a single city. There are worlds far more ancient than that, worlds with dozens or hundreds of cities that size. Imagine the carnage of wars at that scale!”

“Yes. Yes, Victor, I’m all too familiar with the carnage of wars. I will say that having spent so much time slumbering away, lost to the advances of the Ridonne and the expansion of our network into other worlds, I certainly feel adrift, lost in a sea of information that I should have a much surer grip upon. Perhaps I’ll make a visit to Sojourn soon. If I do, I imagine you’ll be gone?”

“Maybe. I have a few months before Dar sends me off. Even so, Valla will be there—Lam, Edeya, and Lesh, too. There are libraries and, well, shit, anything you might want. You should definitely pay a visit; there’s no reason for you to stop . . .” Victor let the thought hang, not wanting to spell out his borderline criticism any more clearly.

“Advancing? Learning? Lusting for life?” Kethelket chuckled. “There are other things in life, Victor. I take great pleasure in leading my people and seeing them made safe. I helped to build a school last month, and when the first class of newborn Naghelli attend it in a few years, I imagine I’ll feel a swelling of my heart far fiercer than any victory I might win in a dungeon or dueling ring.”

Now it was Victor’s turn to feel attacked, but he took it in stride, nodding solemnly. “Point well received, Kethelket. This week, I felt a small inkling of that when I saw Cora making friends with the Shadeni children and learning to stalk huldii with Deyni. Her smile, the joy in her eyes—it erased some dark smear on my spirit. I could use more moments like that.”

“Wisely said, young man. Well?” He sighed and stood, his strange moth-like wings fluttering softly as their ochre patterns flared with Energy. “I suppose this is farewell for now, then. It’s been good to catch up. Any other plans before you go?”

“Nope.” Victor shrugged and looked up the grassy slope to the wall surrounding his “retreat,” which was really just a modest estate considering the size of his holdings. “Valla wants to have dinner; we, uh, have a lot to talk about.”

Kethelket narrowed his eyes. “Is all well?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Victor shrugged again and kicked a stone toward the lapping waves. “We were having a lot of . . . I don’t know what to call it, but maybe ‘friction.’ We decided to put off fighting,” he laughed at the idea, “until after this trip. Hopefully, she’s feeling as relaxed as I am, and it’ll go smoothly.”

“Ah.” Kethelket clapped him on the shoulder. “I have no easy advice for you there, lad. I’ve had many loves, but most were quite brief. One was profound, but she was Ghelli and royalty, to boot. This was before the great war split our people and before Kthella was ripped asunder and combined with the other worlds to create Fanwath. In any case, she died while I was locked away in Belikot’s service. My greatest regret.”

“Shit, man. Way to put my little pissant problems in perspective!” It was Victor’s turn to clap Kethelket on the shoulder, giving him a comradely shake. “I mean that. Thank you, ‘cause sometimes I build things up bigger than they are, you know?”

“Of course, I know! Everyone does it.” The older man laughed, shaking his head. He held out his hand, and Victor clasped it firmly. After a moment, Kethelket nodded and then stepped away. “I’ll leave from here; I’m due at Seaside for dinner.”

Victor nodded. Seaside was the name Rellia had given her capital. “You think you can make it?”

“Oh, aye. My wings have improved much since I pushed my racial advancement into the advanced stages.” He fluttered said wings, and they became a blur of ochre light that seemed to weave in a hypnotic pattern. Then he was in the air, calling down, “Just watch me!” Victor shaded his eyes and grinned as his friend streaked away to the south. It was true; he was two or three times faster than Victor remembered. Soon, he was gone, too small to track against the sun’s light.

Victor turned toward the path leading up to his home, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he walked. He was eager to get back and get to work, but he knew he was going to miss Fanwath. He would miss the weather, the comfort of his home, and the heart-warming presence of his friends; Thayla, Deyni, and Chala had practically moved in for the last week, and he’d enjoyed having them close.

He could see what Kethelket meant, though, about watching your people grow and improving their lives. Nia and the other members of the Ninth who’d come to work for his “household” were completely different people from those whom he’d left behind. Some time at peace, some time helping others, had done wonders for them. He supposed things wouldn’t always be so idyllic in the Free Marches or even his own lands, but he hoped it would last a long, long time.

One thing was certain—Gorro ap’Dommic was a hell of a governor. Victor’s properties were already producing a revenue surplus. When Victor met with Gorro, the governor had been afraid Victor would empty the coffers, taking the surplus—as was his due. Victor had chuckled, though, and insisted they build up a management fund and reinvest in the community. He hadn’t said it so eloquently—something more like, “Don’t we need it here?” Still, Gorro had capitalized on his impulse for generosity and laid out his plans for expansion. Victor looked forward to seeing the results on his next visit.

He was only halfway up the path when he saw movement at the gate, and when he looked up, Valla stood there. She was tall and lithe, with a lustrous glow to her—the afternoon sun reflecting on the almost metallic sheen of her skin and feathers. Victor lifted his arm to wave, a big, lazy gesture impossible to miss. Valla’s wings spread, and so did Victor’s grin as he saw them light up in the sunlight—great, silver-teal things that made the Ghelli and Naghelli wings look like something you’d find on a toy. Valla snapped them down and leaped. With the slope of the hill, that single flap was enough to allow her to glide gracefully down to him.

She landed, light as a feather, on her tiptoes, and before Victor could utter a greeting, she leaned in and kissed him gently. “Shall we walk before dinner?”

“Yeah. Why not?” Victor took her hand, and they walked that way, arms swinging between them, down to the shore, adding to Victor’s and Kethelket’s earlier footprints. Victor had to admit he felt a weird twinge of nervousness in his gut and, hating the sensation, blurted his thoughts, “I thought we were going to talk at dinner, so I hadn’t given myself a chance to feel the stress I was building up.”

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Valla giggled, and Victor took that for a good sign; he hadn’t been sure his mention of stress regarding their meeting would be received well. “I, too, had buried some stress about this day. I haven’t wished for time to slow down so hard in all my life!”

“It was a pretty nice time here, wasn’t it? I think if someone told me I had to settle down and stop . . . everything, I’d be tempted to go along with it.”

Again, Valla’s laugh trilled out, and she slowed to a stop and turned toward him. “You’re a liar.”

“I . . .” After a short deliberation, he shrugged and agreed. “Yeah.”

“I love you, Victor. I truly do.”

“Well,” Victor felt himself flushing with heat, not embarrassment, exactly, but suddenly wholly aware of how much Valla was scrutinizing him as she professed her feelings so plainly—so rawly. “Shit, Valla. I love you, too. I love you so much it makes me stupid.”

Her smile was so sweet, her eyes so open, that Victor felt that old rush, that old thrill he’d had the first time he tried to kiss her in Persi Gables. He leaned toward her, and they kissed several times, just sweet, little kisses that sent tingles through Victor’s lips and down the nape of his neck like electricity. When she pulled back, she spoke words that hit him like a lightning bolt, “That’s why I’m going to stay here for a while. That’s why I’m going to step away from you and give us each a chance to live a little bit.”

“Huh?” Victor didn’t have to feign his idiocy.

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot; we’re both young. Neither of us has ever had another meaningful romantic relationship.” When Victor opened his mouth to protest, she held up a hand. “Not really, Victor. You know it’s true.” As he clamped his mouth shut and narrowed his eyes, she gestured an arm toward the sky. “We might live thousands and thousands of years! How long do you think our romance will last if we stay together now? We’ve been together, what? A year?”

Victor shrugged, his heart hammering too hard, his mind racing too much for him to formulate a proper response.

“Tell me you didn’t think about how it might not be working when we were back in Sojourn. Tell me!” She wasn’t yelling, but her voice was pleading, and where she clutched Victor’s wrists, she tugged gently in emphasis.

“I was worried.”

“So, suppose we do better. Suppose we cross this current hurdle of you being gone for—who knows how long. What if we make it five years before we decide it won’t work?” Again, Victor didn’t reply. “What’s five years in a lifetime that stretches into millennia?”

“Nothing,” he finally grunted.

“So, let’s live some of that life. Let’s build experiences—meet people, go places, accomplish things. And let’s do it out of each other’s shadows.” That last sentence hit Victor like a hammer, and suddenly, things were clarifying in his mind. Valla was admitting that she hadn’t been happy lately—dwelling in his shadow. Could he blame her? What a shadow he’d been casting! He’d had the same worry, hadn’t he? He wanted to be angry, hurt, and reactionary, but he forced himself to take a deep breath, and, contemplating the cool, reassuring Energy of his inspiration, he slowly began to nod.

Though Valla smiled at his positive body language, Victor’s first words were an objection, “And if you meet someone you truly love, the person that makes you forget all about me?” With a deepening frown, he added, “Or if I do?”

“Victor, how many people stay together for a decade? A century? Do you know? Because while you were in the Iron Prison, I spoke to many ancient cultivators in Sojourn. People just don’t last that long together, or if they do, their relationship evolves over time. Heated love becomes warm companionship. I don’t want our heat and passion to be over yet, and when we do come together, I want it to last a very long time!”

Victor stood there, feeling stupid, or slow, or something along those lines, and he stared at her, every second adding to the panic that he was about to lose the best part of his life. Valla must have seen some of it in his eyes because she didn’t wait for him to figure out what he wanted to say. “I started thinking about this a while ago. I think it was after I hurt my eye. After we made up, and you told me about going to Ruhn for Dar’s granddaughter. I remember us talking about me staying in Sojourn, which was perfectly reasonable, but I wondered why that was the extent of my ambition.”

“It’s not, though—”

Valla gently squeezed his wrists. “Sweet, Victor. Let me finish, please?” Victor nodded, embarrassed to realize he had some moisture gathering in his eyes. “Of course, it would be smart to take advantage of Sojourn! What did I want, though? When we came here and Thayla told us about Chandri, these thoughts came up again. I know I deny it, but Victor, I am in your shadow. What’s more, I’m planning the next months or years around what you’re doing! I don’t want to stay in Sojourn and grind away at levels with Lesh. I enjoy Lesh, don’t get me wrong, but I have other interests! I want to explore. I want to meet new, strange people, and I’d like to do it without all the stress that comes along with doing it by your side!”

Victor thought of Coloss, and he snorted a soft chuckle. “You have a point, but it had nothing to do with me when Blue decided he had to have you.”

“Suffice it to say I’ll plan my destinations more carefully than when we went to Zaafor!” She grinned and twitched her wings. “Besides, I think little Lord Blue would sing a different tune if he ran into me today.” Her eyes flashed briefly with dancing static energy.

Victor grinned at the thought, but his levity faded rapidly. “Why are you staying here, though?”

“You’re leaving at Dar’s command, but I’m not subject to Dar’s whims, Victor. I’m not done visiting yet! I want to spend time with my mother and learn from her as she builds this new nation! I want to spend more time with our friends and explore these new lands a little. When I’m ready, I’ll travel. I may go through Sojourn, or I may fly to the Tharcray and see where the Ridonne’s City Stone can take me.”

Victor’s frown hadn’t faded. “So that’s it for us, then? I go my way, and you go yours and—”

“Oh, hush! Don’t be so dramatic! We both consider this home, don’t we? We have a Farscribe book we share, and, if we fill it, we’ll need to meet to exchange new ones, won’t we? We’ll see each other from time to time. After we’ve spent some time living our lives, perhaps we’ll come together again, and our love can bloom into something stronger, something with durability that the centuries will have to struggle to wear down.”

Victor took a deep breath and forced his reeling thoughts to slow and solidify. He pushed away petty urges to lash out. He fought down the words on the tip of his tongue about what she’d do if one of those times he showed up on Fanwath with a new wife. Instead, he slowly exhaled through his nose and stared into her eyes, digging as deeply as he could, willing the truth to come to him as he asked, “Are you just saying all of this to let me down easy? To send me off without hurting my feelings? It seems like an easy way out—a way to hope I’ll forget about you so you never have to say how you’d decided you didn’t really love me.”

“Oh, you absolute idiot! You know I love you! I couldn’t deny it enough to convince a child! Do you value our love? Do you value it enough to make it stronger by fulfilling your potential? Do you think our love can last while you’re climbing that pinnacle?”

Victor shrugged. “I don’t know. I could end up like Dar; I don’t think that dude’s interested in love anymore.”

“Dar isn’t you! His passions are different. You may not have love as an Energy affinity, Victor, but you know you have a heart bigger than most normal people.”

Victor gestured to himself. “I’m not much bigger than you right n—”

“Stop making light!”

Despite his earlier resolve to be understanding and mature, he blurted, “This is kind of what she said, you know.”

“She?”

“Tes.”

Valla’s eyes widened, and then her brows drew down severely. “You mean about waiting for you to grow before you have a relationship with her?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m just being honest. Valla, what if one of us finds a real love elsewhere, something stronger than what you and I feel right now?”

“Then . . .” She frowned, and Victor saw moisture pooling in her eyes, and his emotions responded. He felt his blood rushing and his throat tightening as she continued, “Then, I suppose it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Bullshit!” Victor growled, reaching out to grab her and pull her close, kissing her again. She kissed him back, but then she pushed him away.

“Stop.” Victor reached for her again. “Victor, really!” He growled and dropped his hands.

“This is stupid! If you love me, you love me! Why tempt fate?”

“I have faith that we’ll come together again, Victor. My mind is set.”

Victor stared at her for several long seconds. He knew her face too well to miss the determination in her eyes, the firm set of her lips, the slight upward tilt of her jaw—they all told him that he wouldn’t be changing her mind with mere words. Could he do something dramatic? Could he beg or plead? He almost scoffed at the idea as it flashed through his mind; he had a good feeling that such a display would only assure her that she’d made the right decision. “So,” he finally said, folding his arms over his chest. “What do I have to do to be ‘ready’ for your love?”

“It’s not just you! It’s me, Victor! Was I not plain enough? Was I too softly spoken when I mentioned your shadow? You are driven, and that’s one of the things I love about you, but I don’t want to sit by, doing the sensible thing, putting my dreams on hold while you pursue anything that inspires you. I won’t be kept safe like a figurine on a shelf.”

“You don’t have—”

“Victor. Please. Don’t fight me anymore. Let me go and make my own—” She clamped her lips together, and a soft growl escaped her as she fought to think of the right word. Victor thought he understood, though, and he risked jamming his foot in his mouth by helping her complete the thought.

“Glory?”

Valla surprised him by chuckling. “Maybe. Maybe that’s part of it, aye. You’re going to be something great—that or you’ll die. Either way, I won’t be happy as I am.”

“Is that what this is about? That duel I had with Cora’s father? Are you worried about the duels I have to fight on Ruhn?”

“That’s a piece of it!” Valla growled, balling one of her hands into a fist and thumping it against his chest. “Yes, that’s a piece of it. I also want to be someone who achieves great things, though, and I don’t want to do it by walking on the path that you make smooth with your efforts.”

Victor unfolded his arms and took her fist in one hand, gently worming his thumb under her fingers until she relaxed them. “Listen, I want to scream and rage. I want to pick up that boulder over there and hurl it into the ocean. I don’t want to end this time with you like that, though. If you’re so determined, then let’s enjoy this last night together. The hours I have before I enter that portal tomorrow have just become enormously valuable to me, and I don’t want to spend them throwing a fit or fighting with you. Can we do that? Can we savor each other’s company for a few hours more?”

Valla’s eyes filled with tears again, and she sniffed, nodding quickly before falling into his arms, folding herself against his chest in the way only she knew how. Victor forced himself to take deep, even breaths, pushing his Energy back into his Core as it constantly tried to win free—his rage and fear were especially restless, and he knew, someday in the distant future, he might make a powerful cultivation template out of the memory of that moment.