Collide Gamer

Chapter 260 – A life of impiety

It was Christmas day, and John was level 91. It was warm and cosy underneath the blanket when he awoke, largely thanks to his girlfriend being snuggled up to him. No feet in his face, no one else in his bed, just his girlfriend, resting her pink-haired head on his shoulder in a way that neither caused her most curly strands to tickle him somewhere nor made his arm numb.

If that wasn’t a Christmas miracle, John didn’t know what was. A window popped up, a Christmas greeting from Gaia. He read it, he used its reward, he smiled at the choices and shielded his thoughts from the elementals. He would keep that surprise for later.

Next, Rave actually woke up without John’s influence. “Hey there, handsome,” she purred and pressed stronger against him; “Is that a rocket in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“I am not wearing anything right now, so by exclusion of possibilities I will have to admit to the latter,” John said, causing Rave to giggle.

“You are such a nerd,” she told him and gave him a good morning kiss.

Then she did the only thing that was expected and mounted his still lying position. “You really want to start the Christmas holidays off by being naughty?” John grinned, as if he had anything against that.

“Ja,” Rave exclaimed with a horny smile. Her naked crotch, slightly damp already, touched his dick.

Rave tossed the annoying blanket aside. The room was always more than sufficiently heated. Fully nude, she sat atop her boyfriend, a hand on his dick to impale herself. Behind her, the door slowly opened, and Nia walked in. With everyone else, walking in would have likely meant that they were just looking to join the fun, but with the blonde, it was a bit of a question.

It didn’t help that she just walked into the room, seemingly ignoring both of them as she looked around. “Ehem,” Rave cleared her throat, and Nia looked over with her usual vacant expression.

“There was a cat…” she said.

“Was it shining and had copper fur?” John asked. Nia nodded.

“That’s Copernicus, he is my familiar,” Rave explained; “But whatever, you want to join this, or what?”

Nia shook her head, “I am not interested in sex at the current time.” Like that, she simply turned on her heels and left.

“The heck?” Rave wondered and looked at John, who just shrugged.

“Don’t ask me, I don’t have the answers for everything that goes on in this household,” he said. “I am still hard though.” “I can feel that,” his girlfriend sighed as she sheathed him inside her.

About ten minutes later, they went downstairs.

“A catastrophic failure is what it is!” They were greeted by Lydia speaking into her phone; “I was told everything would be ready in due time, yet I am presented with a lack of tree decorations… Yes, of course I could fix it myself, but what do I delegate work for if you cannot successfully execute the given mission yourself?” She sighed heavily, “In the spirit of Christmas, I will forego this failure, have a nice day with your family… No, this will not result in further problems for you… goodbye.”

She hung up and turned around to see John and Rave waiting for her. “So?” Rave wanted to know as she looked around.

The living room had transformed in the little time they had spent sleeping. A fir, in such perfect condition that John had to wonder whether it just wasn’t a fully grown one that had then been shrunk, stood next to their dinner table. The table itself was covered in a few candles, plates with cookies, teapots and all other kinds of different small sweets and side beverages.

“Can I have a beer?” Rave asked for the one thing that wasn’t on the table.

“It’s 9 in the morning!” Lydia exclaimed.

“And I want a beer,” the techno-lover retorted. “Nothing beats beer after sex!” John was pretty sure this was the first time she had ever had a beer right after sex.

“…I will just accept this and move forward,” the princess sighed.

Aclysia stepped out of the kitchen at that moment. “I have prepared most everything that I can prepare, your grace,” she informed Lydia and then bowed towards John; “Good morning, Master.”

“Morning, Aclysia,” he answered in a very good mood and aimed at the couch. “Can you bring Jane that beer she wants? Also some tea for me? And then join us on the couch to cuddle?”

“Of course,” Aclysia agreed, a small smile blooming on her lips.

Everyone was in a good mood today. A teddy bear, brown and fuzzy, pretty much the embodiment of the standard teddy bear, smiled at him from the armrest of the table. It looked very fluffy. ‘Interesting that Lydia would add something so cute to the decoration,’ John noted. The princess in question sunk into the chair and let out a long breath.

Almost everyone was in a good mood today.

“It’s just decorations,” John tried to calm her down.

“It doesn’t matter whether it’s the decorations that are missing or the turkey, I demand perfection,” Lydia said.

“I cahn fixsh tshat for you,” Momo offered, slurring as she was swirling something in her mouth. It was a small piece of metal that she slowly dissolved in her mouth. The support had found a metal she found tasty and since then spent her allowance on ordering it in the shape of small orbs. One of these lasted for an eternity, as Artificial Spirits weren’t particularly skilled at dissolving things with their saliva, so she used them as a sort of bonbons.

Her solution came in the shape of her fireflies flying over to the tree and spreading over it. Blue, Red, Green and White, they flashed their lights in random patterns that Momo’s mind fabricated at a whim. “…That is satisfactory,” Lydia agreed, still a bit annoyed if her tone was anything to go by.

Aclysia came to the couch, her salver loaded with a can of tea, two cups, a bowl of sugar cubes, and a bottle of beer so cold water soon started to pearl down its glass walls. “You are the best,” John told her and tapped on the empty space to his left.

Without hesitation, Aclysia plopped down next to him and snuggled up to his left side. On the right side, Rave was nonchalantly leaning against him with her beer. “Is this cold?” she teased him and held her bottle against his neck.

John shivered, “Very, yes. Please don’t do that again.”

“I’ll think about it,” the techno-lover laughed.

“Please do it again,” Siena said, rising halfway out of John’s shadow, her legs dangling into her summoner’s outline on the floor as if she was sitting at the edge of a pool, not the solid floor of a mansion. “That was a delicious expression,” the nightmare elemental continued.

“That seems pretty tame for you,” John pointed out.

“I will be nice today and be happy with the light tortures, wouldn’t want you in a bad mood at my favourite freak’s birthday,” Siena mused.

“Your ‘favourite freak’,” Lydia, looking more in balance now that she had Aclysia’s tea again, commented, “is either still sleeping or doing some other shenanigans. Either way, we are only waiting for her to start this party.”

“What is the plan anyway?” John asked.

“We are going to celebrate her birthday until noon, then we will have a nice feast, eating what Aclysia made from the ingredients I provided, lastly we will exchange gifts, if you have any… then I fear it is back to regular business,” Lydia answered. The princess placed the cup back on the table and fidgeted with her hair, “I know this is not to your liking, but I cannot allow this festivity to damage my chances at winning the tournament. I will therefore have to ask you to continue training as per usual after the gifting concludes.”

“Lame,” Rave lamented, taking a swig of the bottle. “But I actually agree. I wanna punch mother after all.”

“Well, I can live with grinding over Christmas, maybe Gaia will actually send something good my way for once!” John said, not believing that himself. “I must also add that Nathalia…”

“Suuuugaaaaar!” Sylph declared as she appeared and made a full dive for the bowl of white cubes, drowning the rest of Aclysia’s sentence in a sudden series of bell-like noises that came with her. With her lack of weight, the impact did absolutely nothing to the bowl, but she grabbed one of the cubes before anyone could stop her. Just as she was opening her mouth to take a big bite out of the treat the size of her head, Gnome picked her up.

“You can’t just do that!” the stone elemental berated her sister.

“But they were just innocently lying around, practically begging to be eaten!” Sylph protested. “Like gummy bears in a drawer or gummy bears on a table or gummy bears on the nose of a dragon or gummy bears in the store!”

“The last one is called theft!” Gnome continued. “A-and I don’t think Nathalia would appreciate it if you put gummy bears on her nose!”

“I would turn her into my private fan,” the dragoness agreed. John looked around. He had no idea where her voice had come from. It had been muffled, as if something like a cushion was between them.

John furrowed his eyebrows and had Aclysia raise the cushion left of her from the couch. As they were sitting on the middle of the three large, leather wrapped things, she could do this largely without moving.

John looked at Nathalia’s face. The dragoness, laying inside the couches frame, stared back. “Put that back, Aclysia,” she hissed. “This is a matter of grave importance.” Aclysia was blinking in confusion, looking at John for guidance.

The Gamer was just as confused as she was. “What are you doing in the couch? You may not know this, but you are actually supposed to sit on it.”

“Do not dare mock me, mortal,” Nathalia said, her eyes of orange and gold flickering with rage. “I am hiding from him.”

“Him?”

“He-Who-Braids. Every year, on this day on the mortal calendar, since about 800 years ago, he searches for me, and no matter how often I kill him, he comes back. My hope is that he won’t find me if I hide after the hibernation I have been through.”

“Okay?” John wondered. The dragoness wasn’t panicked in the slightest, so whatever she was dealing with must have been more annoying than threatening. ‘Ah, well, I will deal with it if I have to,’ he thought, currently trying to stay in a positive mood. Aclysia put the cushion back into place.

“He who braids… can’t say I have heard that ever before,” Lydia mumbled.

“Silver-lining,” Salamander cackled. “We don’t have to look at grannie’s wrinkly face!”

“I will drown you in the mediterranean once this day is over, you insufferable simpleton,” Nathalia complained from inside the couch. Undine sent a picture of a cup along with a questioning feeling, and Aclysia did her the favour and fetched another one.

Quietly, Undine started sipping tea as well, the dark liquid entering her body and spreading until it completely vanished inside her blue form. John concentrated on cuddling. Which was great because the ass of his girlfriend, which was the greatest ass of all times, and the one of Aclysia, which was the one of 2B and therefore second only to Rave’s (and Gaia’s, to be fair), softly pressed against him.

Everyone was there, even Nia had shown up again, wandering after Copernicus who allowed her to pet him sometimes, before doing what cats do occasionally and just running off. John had his and Rave’s presents in his inventory, more lay under the tree, nicely wrapped in red paper. Only Thana was missing.

Not for long though, as a rumbling indicated. “Did she just fall down the stairs?” John wondered, it had been rather loud. They were exchanging glances. On the one hand, it was Thana, so there was no need to worry about injuries of any form, on the other, nobody fell down the stairs just because.

The answer came in the shape of the mad girl opening the door with an annoyed click of her tongue. “Okay, sleep walking after some delicious smell is apparently not a great idea. Who would have fucking thought?!”

John opened his mouth to congratulate her on her birthday, but someone, or rather something, was faster than him. The teddy bear, the completely normal teddy bear, stood up and jumped at Thana with a speed that outpaced even Sylph.

“10 out of 10, would braaaaaaaiid!” the teddy screamed.