Collide Gamer

Chapter 261 – He who braids.

Thana caught the teddy just as it came within the reach of her arm. In one swift motion, and with one soft squeak, she slammed the fuzzy assailant against the wall. “The fuck is this thing?”

“Good question,” John said and used Observe.

“Quick, high fortitude, but otherwise it seems harmless,” the Gamer summarized his findings.

“Rude!” Kyonchi complained. “I am not an it!”

“Okay, okay,” John waved off. This was obviously the guy Nathalia was hiding from. And if he wasn’t completely stupid, he would have noticed where she was by now.

“Well, at least I now know where that teddy came from,” Lydia commented and sipped her tea again.

“So you didn’t bring him in?” John asked. “How did he get past your bodyguards then?”

“The answer…,” the teddy said, “…is quite simple.” Several moments passed, filled only with the almost audible staring of big, beardy eyes made of glass and adorable intent. Then, Kyonchi vanished from Thana’s grip and reappeared on her shoulder. “Behold my special skill! I can teleport next to anyone who finds me cute!” the teddy declared.

“That still doesn’t answer how you got past Lydia’s bodyguards,” John stated. With a gesture of his paw, standing on Thana’s shoulder with his fluffy feet, he pulled a crusader helmet from a pocket space and put it on his head.

“…Yeah, that’d do it,” Rave commented.

At that moment one of the templars knocked on the window. There was most certainly a way to distinguish them from one another, at least by rank, but John hadn’t found it yet. Lydia stood up and opened the window.

“Can you explain to me this misconduct of your duties?” Lydia asked, her tone as cold as the metal railing of a bridge in a mid-winter night.

“I am deeply sorry, my sworn monarch, but he was too adorable to attack! We interrogated him to the best of our Deus given abilities… Vult he was able to charm his way into our hearts. We could only deem him a non-hostile and let him pass.”

“And why did you not inform me about this sooner?” the princess demanded to know.

“He nicely asked for it,” the templar said.

“I bribed them with my homemade cookies,” Kyonchi added, reaching for Thana’s hair as Lydia closed the window. The princess seemed annoyed, but not angry.

With movements that should be impossible for a creature without fingers, he began braiding Thana’s hair. “The fuck do you think you are doing?!” growled Thana and tried to flick Kyonchi off her shoulder. The teddy teleported over to her other shoulder.

“I am giving you cute, little braids,” Kyonchi said. “Don’t you want to look cute?”

“I mean…” Thana glanced over to John. “I guess? Could you fucking ask before you start though?”

“Will keep it in mind… aah, there are so many wonderful, cute, wonderfully cute and cutely wonderful girls here,” Kyonchi said and looked around, after taking the crusader helmet off again. “Would you mind telling me who you are? Also, Nathalia, you can stop hiding in the couch, I have found you already.”

John, Rave and Aclysia were suddenly lifted up as the dragoness crawled out of the couch. “Curses be upon you, fluffy one,” she complained, then turned her head when she heard Rave snicker. “What are you laughing about?” Nathalia hissed at her.

John, with lips trembling from barely contained amusement, took all of the things off the salver, which still lay on the table. The polished silver surface was in perfect condition and made for a good mirror. He pointed it at the redhead.

The dragoness’ glowing hair, the colour of lava, had been restyled. Usually she wore it open, a wild mane of fire that waved softly towards the tips. Now it lay in three braids, a big one down her back and two that were wrapped around the base of her horns, fixed with neat little ribbons of a silky material.

Nathalia’s eyes were almost overflowing with anger. “I am furious enough to turn this whole island into a scorching ball of molten rock,” she growled and plopped down on the couch, crossing her scale covered legs. “Be thankful my lover is here and Romulus is out there!”

“You know you can’t kill me, I am the eternal incarnation of fluff!” Kyonchi exclaimed, and now John had to laugh. Sure, the teddy was overbearing in his demeanour, but he was also amusing to behold. He wasn’t dangerous in the least, and his sole purpose seemed to be to braid hair and tell women they were cute.

Kyonchi was done with his current project mere moments later. “Want to see what you look like now, Thana?” John asked the blood mage.

“Sure,” she answered, and the salver was aimed at her. The blood mage’s hair had only been slightly altered, two thin braids started at the side of her head and then wrapped to the back of her hair, where they met and were braided together to hold in place. “…Do I look cute?” Thana wondered and turned her head; “I mean of course I fucking do. I always do…. Right?”

“Yes,” John confirmed with a smile. “Now come sit with us.”

Thana went ahead and followed his words, but differently from how he expected. Thana didn’t sit with them, she sat on John. Leaning against him and thus snatching his shoulder as a resting place from Rave. Aclysia had been smart enough to just remain in place.

“Uhm, not what I had in mind,” John said.

“You are a tall shithead, you can just ignore me and drink your tea,” she smiled. It was surprisingly calm, still broader than normal people’s smiles, but it had a stability to it. Her eyes, with their sheer endless facettes, lay still, a glint of something he didn’t see too often in them inside: doubtless happiness.

John couldn’t possibly have told her to stand up now. Instead, he kissed her hair and tried to manoeuvre his tea cup in a way that still allowed him to drink.

Kyonchi went over to Lydia. The princess stared down at the teddy, who seemingly possessed nerves of steel as he just mustered her. “Nothing I can improve here,” Kyonchi finally declared. “I find your braiding skills wonderful. Are you skilled in weaving perhaps?”

“Yes, why do you ask?” Lydia raised an eyebrow.

“I just think you are great wife material. Cute, can braid, I think you should try on something less militaristic looking, but these stockings are wonderful,” Kyonchi said.

Lydia blushed a bit as she cleared her throat, “Most certainly, a noble of my class must be skilled in every regard, even such a thing as householding.”

“Great to hear, hope you work on cuddling.”

Kyonchi appeared next to Rave. A few seconds passed as Rave sat there with crossed arms and a smile on her face. The teddy picked up her pink strands and tried to work his magic. He failed.

“I can’t braid this!” the teddy declared in desperation. Whatever he tried to do to Rave’s hair, it just stayed as the wonderful mess that it always was. The untameable criss-crossing strands of ungirt hair unravelled themselves the moment Kyonchi let go of them, and the longer, slightly darker strands were too far apart to be used in braiding.

“Ya can’t improve upon perfection,” the techno-lover said.

“I am with Jane there,” John added; “Look at her hair, why would you want to braid that? It is so goddamn wonderful. It’s like 10% of the reason I fell in love with her.”

“What are the other reasons?” Rave wondered with a smirk.

“The fact that you were willing to grind with me, that you saved my life, that you have a wonderful ass and that you were willing to give me a blowjob when I was way less attractive,” John listed.

“How romantic,” his girlfriend said.

“…Also because you are like the greatest friend I ever had,” John admitted, quieter. Acknowledging that was always a bit hard. Not because it should be, but because there was still an awkward part of him deep inside that wasn’t used to say such things.

“Still not romantic,” Rave said and leaned in to whisper in his ear, “but it’s mutual, I am so happy you came along.” She blushed a bit as she said that and kissed him on the cheek.

“I like this, this is good,” Kyonchi said. “More fluff like this, please!” The teddy’s next victim was to be Aclysia, but the artificial guardian was one step ahead of him. She had reformed her hair (after asking for permission from John) to incorporate a series of small braids that lay at the outer layers of her hair.

She had kept most of the hair at the front the same though, the white framing her face as a big strand of hair lay across the middle of her face in a manner that should only look good in video games or anime. Being a living figurine, Aclysia was able to pull that look off seamlessly though.

“I hope this change on my exterior doesn’t annoy you, Master,” Aclysia spoke, a bit nervously, to John.

“Don’t you worry, there would need to be a lot of changes before I would mind what you do with yourself,” John assured her. He couldn’t exactly show it to her with a gesture, all his hands were occupied in some form, so he sent her his love for her mentally. This was the truest form anyhow, and like always, Aclysia’s feelings streamed back, clear and unblemished. “Although I would prefer it if you didn’t deviate too much. I much rather have you be as attractive as you usually are,” John then added.

“Boo!” Kyonchi complained. “Moment ruined! You should hug her and ask her to marry you! I don’t see a ring on any of these girls, I am disappointed!”

John opted not to answer that, and the teddy grumbled something about being robbed of the happiness of braiding and the youth these days. Looking over to Momo yielded the same result (although she had NOT asked for John’s permission) as the support had brought her hair, white and sharply cut at neck length, into a similar style as Thana’s.

The elementals also had decided to play this game. Most of them anyway. Gnome had turned her pigtails into braids, Salamander had bundled her hair into a bun at the back of her head. The slime extensions that served as Undine’s hair showed a knotted pattern.

“I want to be braided, I want to be braided!” Sylph declared being one of the two elementals that decided to do things differently.

“You are a good girl!” Kyonchi declared. The teddy and the small elemental sat down on the table. Sylph actually was smaller than the teddy, but the incarnation of fluff had not only a millennium of experience, but Sylph’s hair gave a lot to work with. Extremely long as it was, it would have regularly laid on the ground, if it weren’t for the fact that Sylph was usually flying, and even if she wasn’t, her hair was caught in some personal winds that prevented it from falling.

Now, the green strands lay still, as Kyonchi quickly turned it into a masterful work of a dozen braids which then formed a shape resembling a four-leaved clover behind Sylph’s head. It looked a bit goofy, but it fit the one who wore it nicely.

Siena hid in the shadows, open annoyance radiating from her. Kyonchi must have seen her earlier, and indeed he was standing in front of John for a while. John decided to do the staring teddy a favour and reached out to the nightmare elemental.

‘You really won’t let him?’ he wondered; ‘This is kind of fun.’

‘Nobody touches my hair. It is mine, it is perfect, I hate braids. Go wrap this up and throw this annoying bastard out,’ Siena hissed. Nothing to interpret about those words.

Kyonchi sighed after being informed about this. “Oh well, can’t fluff them all… but you better make her happy or I will tackle you!” he warned John. “And then I will stab you in the shins!”

“I will try to?” the Gamer answered.

“Just do it!” Kyonchi declared and jumped over to Nia. Surprisingly, the blank blonde didn’t let Kyonchi on her hair. “Why won’t you let me braid you?” Kyonchi asked, sounding deeply hurt.

“The Nevr’est likes it,” Nia said as calm as always. That could have either been her trying to point out something that should be common knowledge, her being upset, her just informing him or anything else really. It was like she was making jokes without emojis in a text-channel, no tone or emotion attached. Really hard to read.

“Can you do something else that is cute for me then?” Kyonchi requested. Nia tilted her head quizzically. Kyonchi’s paw pointed at Copernicus, who was sleeping through the whole commotion without a care. “Could you play with that cat?”

That made the sun cat raise his head. “Seriously?” he asked. “What is she going to do, pet me? There is nothing that could be that cu-“ He was interrupted by Nia picking him up and putting him on her head like it was the most sensible thing to do.

Thana started laughing. Loudly. Honestly, it kind of hurt John’s ear. He could understand why though. The copper sun cat laying on her head, parting her hair with his large volume, looking both confused and strangely pleased, made for a similarly cute and amusing sight.

Nia and Copernicus tilting their heads at the same time, apparently confused about why this was so funny, did not help. “Yes, yes!” Kyonchi shouted out; “I approve!” The whole room was filled with a merry spirit. Probably not the teddy’s intention, but he was providing some good entertainment.

“Happy birthday, by the way,” John finally said to Thana in his lap, once she stopped laughing.

“Thanks?” Thana answered. “Looking at the shit show that is my life, I don’t know if ‘happy’ is the correct adjective there though.”

“It totally is!” Kyonchi said. “Just you being here, able to be braided by me, is an occasion happy enough to make your birth one of the greatest things on this planet. This day should be a holiday!”

“It is?” John informed the teddy; “Ever heard of Christmas?”

“I do not care in the slightest!” Kyonchi declared. “This is Thana’s Birthday now! Yes, indeed! Now that I am done here, I shall spread that message throughout the world! If you will excuse me, I will quickly travel elsewhere by possessing another cute container over in the palace below. Sol needs to have a matching look to Nathalia.”

And like that, the teddy fell over, now a normal plushie. A spirit, the shape of a human, neither clearly male nor female, with long black hair, Kyonchi spoke, “Feel free to keep the teddy as my birthday gift to you, Thana,” and disappeared.

“At least I won’t have to suffer this alone,” Nathalia rumbled with slight satisfaction.